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© 2018 Dr Margaret Sheppard

Healing and Cleansing of the Bereaved


Cleansing and healing a family after a death obviously varies from place to place and healer to healer. I did not manage to observe all of this in Kanye as it is a secret, but it was described to me by various informants.

The surviving spouse is the one for whom the purification is  the most complicated and who is subjected to the most taboos whilst being purified, and the period following until entirely cleansed. It is believed that the surviving spouse is dangerous before purification as during their marriage to the deceased, their "bloods had been joined” and during sexual intercourse were “constantly mixing". Therefore now the blood of the survivor misses that of the deceased and so becomes "hot", A person's blood may become "hot" (maoto a molelo) for various reasons (see section on Traditional Medicine and Religion). Whilst an individual is in this condition  of “hot blood”they are subject to various taboos.

A surviving spouse is in this condition for about one year after the death or until the new rainfall. During this period it is a very strong taboo for them to sleep with a member of the opposite sex. If this taboo is broken the partner will become very ill (and develop symptoms similar to a venereal disease, this disease is traditionally believed to be caused through sleeping with a person with "hot blood".) An even more serious result, as it affects the community at large, is that breaking this taboo “spoils the rain”. For example in the 1978-9 season there was a very serious drought and one of the causes was divined to be because widowed people were breaking this taboo.

The healing of a widowed person is a very complicated process. It is performed in various stages by a traditional doctor who is specialised in this. In Kanye there is a well-known woman who specialises in healing widowed people, such a person is called a Moalafe (healer).

First the newly widowed person is given special medicines so that they are able to enter the house again (it will be remembered that immediately their spouse died they had to be kept outside the house in a temporary shelter made in the lolwapa. The first stage of healing is called go alafa (to heal). It takes place just after the burial~ the surviving spouse is taken with the other close relatives in a procession to the home of the wife or husband. A goat is provided by that family of the deceased husband or wife and some blood is taken from it by a traditional doctor or healer whilst it is still alive. This blood is mixed with some of the contents of its stomach after it has been slaughtered, and this mixture is used to treat the widowed spouse. The healer keeps the rest of the meat for himself.

On arrival at the home, the surviving spouse's hair is shaved off by another old widow (because such people are believed to "know" death). The other close relatives' hair will be shaved by the Malome's (maternal Uncle’s) wife. During the procession the surviving spouse wears a long blanket that sweeps the ground. Then they return to their own home in procession and on the way back they have to throwaway bits of the intestines of the goat and kick off one shoe (on this occasion they wear the traditional Tswana sandals), and without talking throw it away.

For this reason it is a taboo for a person to wear only one shoe because this is another practice associated with death. It should also be noted that when the hair is shaved off, the children's hair is cut first and then the adults', First the children are supposed to be given a special herb to chew and then spit out. This is to make them forget their dead parent (i.e. so that they do not die as well). It is after this that the widow wears black and others wear black patches.

On this occasion when the hair is cut, several relatives and neighbours will be called to witness it. The women will usually bring with them a little corn (mabele) from their fields. The bereaved spouse will then take a few grains from each person, bite them and spit them out, this is to stop their widowed condition from endangering their neighbours’ fields when they pass by them at the Lands.

During the next stage of the healing all the possessions of the dead person are thoroughly cleansed. This usually takes place a few days after the burial. Women from the kgotla come to do this, to help fetch water, to wash and to fold up. The possessions may all have to be sprinkled with medicated water by the healer. All the possessions are then carefully packed away and stored until the later distribution. Setiloane states that the surviving spouse is supposed to sleep in the same house in which these possessions are stored. Certainly they are not supposed to move out of that yard until they are distributed formally. This distribution is not allowed to happen during summer as it is believed to do so would "spoil the rain.*

The formal distribution of the possessions of one of my dead neighbours had not taken place and the possessions were always kept inside the house, even when a modern cement floor was being made to replace the traditional cattle dung floor. They never lent any of these things even when some wire cutters were requested by their cousins who were trying to repair the fence of the yard.

The next stage of healing is called go kopano le dikgomo (to meet with the cattle). The surviving spouse, accompanied by the healer and certain relatives, is taken a few days after the burial to their Cattle post "to meet with their cattle". They have to enter the cattle kraal at the Cattle post while the cattle are still inside, and the healer gives them special medicines to throw into the kraal. Then the healer washes them with medicated water. The aim of this is probably to stop the dead person calling his cattle to him (i.e. to stop them dying).

On their return to the village they will be allowed to mix more freely with people, but are still subject to certain taboos such as not taking an active part in marriages. Throughout the purification the widowed spouse should not call out or shout as if they did so they would not be properly healed. If the purification is not completely properly or not performed at al,l it is believed that that person will go senile in later life.

An example of just how important people still believe this to be I observed in 1980. One woman had recently been widowed in South Africa, where she had gone to live about 40 years previously with her husband. They both came from Kanye before going to work in South Africa.  During the whole time they had been in South Africa they had never visited Botswana nor did their relatives hear any news of the couple, or even know if they were still living until she came to Kanye, to her husband's kgotla, to have this purification performed.

As she had never had her hair shaved (as described above) her hair was shaved, which was witnessed by all the appropriate relatives and neighbours. She was given black clothes to wear, and then taken to the Cattle post for “go kopano le dikgomo” (to meet with cattle). After this purification had been performed she returned to South Africa.

Another example will perhaps illustrate how important the performance of this purification is considered to be. The maternal aunt of one of my informants was somewhat confused in her old age. Her in-laws were commonly blamed for her condition because apparently, following the death of her husband, they had never made sure she was completely purified.

A healer is usually paid a goat for these services. Mention should perhaps be made of Mosiama, the "Holy Tree".' This is an evergreen plant that grows around the base of other trees and bushes. It is reputed to be an important ingredient of the medicated water used to wash those who have been in contact with death.

Even after the cleansing and purification in the family, those who have been in close contact with death are not supposed to enter other people's houses unless they are given permission to do so. The first time they enter a house they should first take cold ash from the fireplace or wet cattle dung and make a cross at the entrance before entering. This is believed to prevent them bringing death with them to that house. This particularly applies to widowed people and mothers of dead children, or women who have had miscarriages. These people should not touch other people's children, particularly on the head, as this is believed to cause them to die. They should particularly not visit a Motsetsi (a woman in confinement). or, if they do, they must make a cross with the ash or cattle dung on the baby's umbilical cord. Many people will not allow a woman who has lost many children into their house because they really fear she will bring death there.

As will be seen below a woman who has lost a small baby may not visit others until after she has started to menstruate again and then been cleansed by a Moalafe (Healer). Such people, especially widowed spouses do not take part in marriages as has been seen already (Le. a widow still wearing black) may not go and "ask for a wife", or help to bring a bride with her possessions, or enter the lolwapa with the other married women or attend the giving of laws.



The basket maker (right) is a widow in her year of mourning. She is dressed entirely in black.

The married women have entered the hut to “give the new bride the laws of marriage”. Unmarried people and the widow are not allowed to enter the lolwapa (area enclosed by the mud walls). The widow is  dressed all in black.

Widower (with blue and yellow blanket)  on the return from being taken  in procession to his wife’s kgotla by his relatives to inform them of her passing. N.B. he only wears one shoe for this. He has thrown away the other on the way back. Several of the other bereaved relatives are wearing some black to denote the connection with death.

It is believed that young children could be "called" by their dead parent to the Spirit World. Pauw states that it is believed that if this cleansing is not carried out the sehihi (shadow) cast by the dead person will trouble the children, i.e. haunt them. He also describes a further rite that was performed for the children of a dead mother about two weeks after burial. Their father had to take them to their mother's home. They entered the home through a special entrance made in the fence at the back of the yard. A sheep was provided by their father and it was slaughtered for them. Then the moswang (contents of the stomach) of this animal was placed at intervals from this special entrance to the front entrance and as they entered they walked on it. The meat was then eaten by all present and the children's hair was shaved. It was not until after they had had this rite performed that they were again able to visit their maternal relatives. If it was not performed they were believed to become senseless.

At one funeral, for a man, that I attended, immediately after the burial and the return from the graveyard, all close relatives - the widow, children and children's children were given a special herbal medicine to chew and then spit out. This was to make them forget their father and not follow him into death.

Setiloane refers to a traditional practice called go rola thapo (to wear thapo). Thapo is a strip of plaited grass that is worn around the necks of those closely connected to death, i.e. spouses, parents, siblings and children, and whilst it is still worn all the wearers were subject to certain taboos. The plaited grass is dipped in the gall of the animal that is slaughtered for the burial. I never saw anyone wearing thapo and it would appear to be more customary in Kanye at the present time to wear black. Widows dress completely in black made for them by a dressmaker. This includes a black dress, head scarf, shoes, shawl and necklace etc. and these are provided by the family of the dead husband. Widowers wear a black patch pinned to the left sleeve, as do children and other close relatives. Women relatives may also wear a black head scarf 'or pinafore (especially the mother of a dead child or one daughter may for a deceased surviving parent).

These signs of association with death, especially those of the surviving spouse are worn for the year of mourning or until the new rains have fallen. At the end of the period the wearers are again "cleansed". It should be noted that among Batswana black has most definitely NOT been a fashion colour.

Usually the day after the burial (still with the Malome of the deceased officiating) the floor of the house used for the coffin and its surrounding lolwapa are freshly smeared with cattle dung - to "cleanse" them. Many women will probably help with this, just as many women will have helped with all the sweeping. Normally it is a taboo for more than one woman to sweep or smear a house at a time as, again, many people participating in these jobs can signify death. At this time a traditional doctor may be called to purify the home. This includes "washing" the upper parts of the bodies of the close relatives with medicated water and sprinkling the possessions of the deceased; the door posts, entrances to the houses and the yard may also be sprinkled with the same mixture. A goat may be slaughtered as part of this "cleansing" and the contents of the stomach may be used as an ingredient of the medicines. Also the hair of the close relatives may be shaven. (This is another practice associated only with death, normally it is a taboo to cut more than one member of the family's hair on the same day). Pauw emphasizes that this must all be done during the part of the day when there are shadows (i.e. not midday), because the aim is to purify the shadow (sehihi) cast by the deceased when he dies. If it is not done at this time of the day then the survivors may be troubled by the shadow. All hair which is cut at this time has to be buried in a special hole or one made by ants. This is because it is believed that such hair is a useful ingredient of sorcery and can be used to bewitch the owner of the hair.