© 2018 Dr Margaret Sheppard

Departure of groom

After sunset (probably between 7 - 8.00 p.m.) the groom is taken back to his home. The first part of the journey is always on foot. The bride accompanying him "half-way", both of them surrounded by their choirs, who will be singing loudly. On the way they part and the groom continues to his home with his choir. If it is far he will probably be taken by car.

Such a choir usually sings:

 "Knock: Knock: We are arriving with a bride(groom “)  The Setswana words are: "Coco, Co, Re tsena go. Ditlo, Ditlo."

 As   cars carrying the wedding party arrive at the groom's Kgotla they usually drive all round the Kgotla hooting loudly.

Wedding at Groom’s Home

The next part of this type of marriage take place at the groom's home. As has already been stated this may take place the next day or the next weekend. The bride is usually taken at about 11.00-12.00 a.m in the same way as the groom was taken to her home as is described above. She will be wearing her white dress and wedding veil again. The couple's processions will again meet half-way and kiss on meeting. They will again both be sheltered by their umbrellas. The procedure is exactly the same as at the bride's home. They sit first, on entering the yard, in the specially built enclosure and then go into the groom's mother's house to eat. There is another wedding cake (or cakes), and in the same way they are led out to see the choirs singing in the late afternoon, and wear their various "change" outfits. A beast will have been slaughtered at the groom's Kgotla and be cooked in the same way by his male relatives. Again after sunset, the bride is taken back by her choir to her home, the groom accompanying her "half-way".

Then the next day at about midday, married relatives of the bride collect at the bride's home to take her in procession with her possessions to her husband's house. This is done in the same way as with the traditional Setswana wedding. She dresses in ordinary smart clothes and wears a head scarf and a blanket, and carries a lamp or a broom.

All the remaining parts of the marriage are the same as the Setswana Wedding. The bride is given the laws of marriage and shown her house in the same way. Various relatives on both sides make the traditional presents in the traditional way of traditional beer at the respective homes

Appearance of the Bridal Couple

Wile the bridal coupe are eating and the rest of the guests share in the wedding feast, the wedding choirs are singing and dancing  in turn outside the lolwapa of the wedding house. Neighbours, friends and passers-by ~attracted by the choir singing) gather to await the appearance of the couple.

During the latter part of the afternoon, towards sunset, the bridal couple are brought out to see their choirs. They are led out of the house by some of the female relatives who sing the following song :-

 "Ula-lay! Make way for the bride. She's wearing white shoes."

Usually a female relative leads and as she sings she claps her hands in time to the rhythm of the song. The bridal couple follow immediately  behind and then the bridesmaids and other attendants. The couple are sheltered by their umbrellas which are held over them if the sun has not yet set.

They are led to the side of where the choirs are singing, and sit on chairs and skin mats that have been placed for them. The bride's dress is again arranged for her by her chief bridesmaids, and the groom is "dusted off" by the best man with the clothes brush.

The bridal party sit outside listening to the choirs for a while. Spectators have the opportunity to see them - it is a way of advertising that they are now a married couple. The couple are expected to look very solemn and even look down; the bride especially should look very sad and even try to manage a few tears to show she is sad to be leaving her family.

For their first appearance they wear their bridal clothes

After some time they are led back into the house and change into a change outfit. Notice the couple should look solemn. Their feet rest on a skin mat

Different “Change” Outfits

These are complete outfits including underwear and accessories. The bride’s outfits are provided by her various kin. N.B. the usher with the stick who ensures the spectators do not come too close. The Best man usually carries the clothes brush to dust off the groom and the rolled up umbrella. The bridesmaids and other attendants also change and the Chief bridesmaid holds the white rolled up umbrella. The bridal couple are on display so that all can see they are now a married couple.

Change Outfits

After some time they are then led back into the house, where they will change into "change clothes". These are outfits (particularly those of the bride) that have been given to her by her husband, Bo-Malome (Maternal Uncles), brothers etc. They are complete outfits, including underwear, hats, shoes, bags, jewelry. The nearest English equivalent is the "going away" outfit worn by English brides leaving for their honeymoons, and the custom is probably an adaptation of this English custom without the honeymoon. Ones I saw were not practical clothes suited to everyday life. For example one bride changed into a blue satin and chiffon dress and coat outfit, with a matching "picture" hat with a little veil, very high-heeled stiletto shoes and long gloves, and wore a pearl necklace and earrings. Her husband changed into a different three-piece suit and hat. The bridesmaids changed into another set of "Sunday best" type clothes. The couple are again led out to listen to the choirs in the same way as before, the woman leading them singing and clapping the same song.

After sitting outside for some time near the choirs they will again be led in, and will change again. The bride who had worn the above blue/turquoise outfit, for instance, changed into a bright pink chiffon dress and jacket with a diamante trim. She wore a hat with a feather which was a slightly darker shade than her dress, a red bead necklace and earrings, cream gloves and bag, and high-heeled cream shoes. The groom changed again into yet another three-piece suit and hat. They were then led out for a third time.

It is quite common for a bride to change into at least two other outfits besides her white wedding dress. At one wedding I attended the bride changed seven times. These outfits are in no way "practical clothes" that she will have the opportunity to wear on other occasions, especially the hats, gloves and other accessories, but it should be noted that they are given to her by her various kin who are in doing so, are fulfilling traditional kinship obligations on this traditional occasion.

Other guests at the wedding have the opportunity to give wedding presents usually in the form of money. All such presents are recorded at a special table in a special notebook, with the giver's name and particular gift